I was relieved that I had the desk to myself, that Edward was absent. I
told myself that repeatedly. But I couldn't get rid of the nagging
suspicion that I was the reason he wasn't there. It was ridiculous, and
egotistical, to think that I could affect anyone that strongly. It was
impossible. And yet I couldn't stop worrying that it was true.

When the school day was finally done, and the blush was fading out of my
cheeks from the volleyball incident, I changed quickly back into my jeans
and navy blue sweater. I hurried from the girls' locker room, pleased to
find that I had successfully evaded my retriever friend for the moment. I
walked swiftly out to the parking lot. It was crowded now with fleeing
students. I got in my truck and dug through my bag to make sure I had
what I needed.

Last night I'd discovered that Charlie couldn't cook much besides fried
eggs and bacon. So I requested that I be assigned kitchen detail for the
duration of my stay. He was willing enough to hand over the keys to the
banquet hall. I also found out that he had no food in the house. So I had
my shopping list and the cash from the jar in the cupboard labeled FOOD

MONEY, and I was on my way to the Thriftway.

I gunned my deafening engine to life, ignoring the heads that turned in
my direction, and backed carefully into a place in the line of cars that
were waiting to exit the parking lot. As I waited, trying to pretend that
the earsplitting rumble was coming from someone else's car, I saw the two
Cullens and the Hale twins getting into their car. It was the shiny new
Volvo. Of course. I hadn't noticed their clothes before — I'd been too
mesmerized by their faces. Now that I looked, it was obvious that they
were all dressed exceptionally well; simply, but in clothes that subtly
hinted at designer origins. With their remarkable good looks, the style
with which they carried themselves, they could have worn dishrags and
pulled it off. It seemed excessive for them to have both looks and money.
But as far as I could tell, life worked that way most of the time. It
didn't look as if it bought them any acceptance here.

No, I didn't fully believe that. The isolation must be their desire; I
couldn't imagine any door that wouldn't be opened by that degree of
beauty.

They looked at my noisy truck as I passed them, just like everyone else.
I kept my eyes straight forward and was relieved when I finally was free
of the school grounds.

The Thriftway was not far from the school, just a few streets south, off
the highway. It was nice to be inside the supermarket; it felt normal. I
did the shopping at home, and I fell into the pattern of the familiar
task gladly. The store was big enough inside that I couldn't hear the
tapping of the rain on the roof to remind me where I was.

打开的书（2）

    我一个人坐着一张桌子，爱德华旷课，真是让我感到很宽慰。我一遍又一遍地这样想着。可我老是怀疑是因为我的缘故，他才没有来，这种怀疑搅得我心神不定。真是太可笑、太自以为了不起了吧，居然以为自己会对一个人产生这么大的影响。那是不可能的。可是，我还是忍不住担心那是真的。

    终于捱到放学了，脸上打排球蹭红了的地方也不怎么红了，我飞快地换上了牛仔裤和深蓝色的毛线衫。匆匆地从女更衣室里出来，我愉快地发现，已经成功地将自己的那个猎犬朋友暂时甩掉了。我快步朝停车场走了过去。停车场此刻已经挤满了飞奔的学生。我坐进车里，翻了一遍书包，看需要的东西是不是都带齐了。

    昨天晚上，我发现查理除了会煎鸡蛋和培根肉外，不太会做饭。于是我主动请缨，我住的这段期间，厨房的琐事全交给我好了。他自然是求之不得，毫不犹豫就交出了餐厅的钥匙。我还发现屋里没有吃的。于是列了个购物单，从那个贴着"伙食费"的橱柜里找到了查理放现金的罐子，拿了钱，所以现在我就出发去施利福特威超市。

    我发动了那震耳欲聋的发动机，没去理睬那些朝我望过来的同学们，小心翼翼地倒进了排着队等着出停车场的两辆车之间。等着的时候，我努力装出一副若无其事的样子，仿佛那个雷鸣般的轰鸣声是别人的车子发出来的，这时，我看见埃美特·卡伦、爱丽丝·卡伦和姓黑尔的那对双胞胎正钻进他们的车子，就是那辆亮闪闪的新沃尔沃。当然，我以前没有注意过他们的衣着——他们的相貌太令我着迷了。这一看，我才发现他们显然都穿得特棒；衣服很简洁，却全都巧妙地显示出是出自设计师的手笔。凭这么出色的相貌，凭他们的风度，就是穿着洗碗布也同样会迷倒一大片。这似乎过于完美了，他们真是"财"貌双全。但就我所知，生活大多数时候就是这样。这些似乎并没有让他们在这里得到认可。

    不，我并不完全相信是这样。肯定是他们自己不愿跟别人在一起的；我想象不出凭着这样的美，还会有哪扇门敲不开。

    我从他们旁边经过时，他们看了我那辆轰隆隆的卡车一眼，就跟所有其他人一样。我两眼始终直视着前方，好不容易出了学校，这才舒了一口气。

    施利福特威超市离学校不远，往南只隔几条街，就在公路边上。在超市里边袋着真好；感觉很正常。在那边的家里就是我负责采购，所以我很乐意重新负起这个责任。商店里面很大，听不见雨水滴在屋顶上的声音，可以暂时忘却自己身在何处。